A Modern Fable of Idiocy and Intellectual Delinquency

My own logs of the following irc conversation started at 3am. What follows, was given to me by Tuxedo. None of the names Have been changed.

[ChevGood] I agree Mike
* Tuxedo drops in for the intramural semifinal
* MShome waves to Tuxedo!
[alexmac] hey tuxedo :)
[Tuxedo] 'Evening, gents.
[Ap] I can understand ACC's position that the IO billing system doesn't really make for an optimal system of making bux, but moving over the users instead of altering their billing system and leaving them be will cause a huge loss. It just doesn't..
[Ap] make sense.
*** Dodge (dodge@hobbes.net4.io.org) has joined channel &internex
* Ap apologizes to Tuxedo
[ChevGood] Bad Ican Vibe = Don Gray
* Tuxedo shrugs to Ap
[Ap] I still love your billing system. :)
[Tuxedo] "Optimize Makin' Bux" was never one of the design criteria.
[Ap] This is true.
[ChevGood] hey Kieth,we are trying to make the ENS billing system like yours :)
[Tuxedo] ENS?
[SuccHome] That's EDS, Chevy.
[ChevGood] EDS
[Tuxedo] Ah, well.
[SuccHome] And don't tell me it's a typo... I know you use a qwerty keyboard.
[ChevGood] Ihave an Acer keyboard...forgive me
[Tuxedo] Does this mean that I can retroactively get some big bux for writing the prototype?
[MShome] Tux; you may be entitled to a candy cane or two.
[Tuxedo] No thanks, MShome. I wouldn't waste a poison-testing taster on that.
*** ChevGood is now known as Chevman
[MShome] there's so many neat candy cane flavours coming out now.
[SuccHome] All-dressed?
[Ap] That's gross.
[Ap] bbq candy canes?
[MShome] eww.
[Chevman] eek!
* MShome sighs. not those kidn of flavours. mixed spearmint, different versions of mint, different fruit flavours.
[MShome] it's almost a meal.
[Chevman] That's why your so jumpy
[Ap] toooooooo much sugar
* Ap wonders what MShome defines a 'meal' as.
[MShome] depends on the meal, time of day.
[Ap] Lunch, say.
[Chevman] I guess falco wouldn't do anything
[Chevman] ...and we bought all those back up tapes
[Ap] You wasted money on backup tapes on account of falco?
[Ap] Or are you being a smart ass and I'm just dense.
[Chevman] hehehe
* TerraByte chuckles quietly
[Ap] The second one.
[mottyl] hardly ap...those were ordered a while back as I recall
[Ap] As usual.
[Ap] mottyl: *phew*
[Chevman] I'm alway causing trouble
[Chevman] great someone's pinging me
* Ap whines about his brother hanging up his modem
[Ap] I wanted to disconnect myself. =(
[Chevman] I've been good for a half hour now
[Chevman] Where's brian?
[Ap] Sleeeeeeeeeping.
[Chevman] and what did he do tonight?
[Ap] No idea.
[Ap] Whatever consulting work he's doing right now.
[TerraByte] Chevman: We are not his keepers
[Chevman] I thought he was above all this crap.
[SuccHome] Above what crap?
[Ap] Which crap specifically?
* TerraByte raises an eyebrow
[Chevman] The attack io.org/ican.net thing
[Ap] Huh?
[TerraByte] Chevman: Well.. I think he is beyond it..
[Tuxedo] Is this some form of accusation, Chevman? That's tenuous legal ground.
[Chevman] me too
[Chevman] he would be the last person I would question
* SuccHome hasn't seen any attack yet...
[Dodge] I sense a witch hunt.
[Chevman] no no
[TerraByte] ChevMan: Well Brian has left the comapny.. He ahs nothing to do with it at all now.. zilch
[Tuxedo] I was about to drop the name "McCarthy" into the fray, yes.
[Chevman] he /msg me and mark about some stuff
* Ap pressures Tuxedo to name names
[mottyl] names names names!
[mottyl] heheh
[Chevman] ok, forget I said anything
[Dodge] Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of Internex Online?
[Chevman] hehehe
* Ap laughs
[TerraByte] Chevman: Too late.. as I have learned you cannot take stuff back
[Tuxedo] "I hold here...in my hand...a list of (number deleted for security reasons) clueless affiliates, employees, and/or managers of ACC/ICAN/Greenlight/IO."
* Chevman turn up the bright lights
[Ap] It's 'The Crucible', except in modern times.
* Chevman tries to unstuff
[SuccHome] it's bad policy to open your mouth when you don't plan to speak, chev.
[Chevman] oops
[Chevman] It was weird...usually Brian ignored me :)
[Chevman] actually all the time :)
[Ap] I have to buy a new jacket for the xmas party. Whee!
[SuccHome] It was intentional, I assure you.
[Chevman] The strange thing is..that the two sides want the same thing
[mottyl] uh..which is what phil?
[SuccHome] To shut down IO? Yeah, I guess so.
[Chevman] They just have different ways of getting their
[Tuxedo] That's an oversimplified view. There's more than two sides, to start with.
* Ap pats a MAX affectionately
[Chevman] all ACC want is to be sucessful
* SuccHome sighs.
[Chevman] io went bankrupt ...does anyone remember that
[Chevman] the telephone lines were cut
[Tuxedo] I remember the events you're alluding to, Chevman, because I was there. Were you?
[Ap] Yes. Greenlight promised that IO users would have their accounts indefinitely. Does anyone remember that?
[Ap] I was there too, Tux. Neat!
[alexmac] yes cause matt stein the pimple man did not manage effectly
* Tuxedo SRHs Ap
[Chevman] ok I wasn't their
* alexmac was there :)
[mottyl] I had an account whihc I couldn't dial into!
[Dodge] You weren't their what?
[Chevman] ok, tell me why did io.org fail
[Tuxedo] I got to watch the merry chaos at the office...man, that was an interesting time.
[Tuxedo] Did you call 611 to find out what was wrong with Internex, mottyl?
[Ap] io.org failed because the people who ran it didn't have the business sense of a newt.
[Ap] However, they seemed to be able to do a lot more things correctly.
[Chevman] ok, so you need a bit of both
[Chevman] I agree
[skeezix] IO failed for more reasons than can be counted; ultimately, bad administration... pity though, as it had enough grass roots uspport to carry it through till today.. *boom*
* Tuxedo sighs and trots out an old chestnut
[alexmac] it failed cause key managers did not understand the media and business,
[Tuxedo] Competent technical staff who lack financial wisdom can run a service for a couple of years, according to the evidence before us. Business squids with no technical know-how can't even get one started.
[Ap] However, it *did* manage to foster a gigantic online community, something which has been attempted and failed at by several other companies, including ICan.
* Ap nods to Tux
[Chevman] That I don't like.
[SuccHome] community?
[Ap] It's not something you can start intentionally, Chev. Don't feel bad.
[Chevman] yes, the way it was handled
[Tuxedo] "For every thing...churn, churn churn...there is a time...churn, churn, churn..."
[Chevman] I think it's still not right
[Ap] I don't just mean the community program, I mean the user base in general. IO was the industry equivalent of a small town.
*** buffoon (buff@miskatonic.boldinternet.com) has joined channel &internex
[Ap] buffoon!
[buffoon] Ap!
* Tuxedo SRHs buffoon
* buffoon hails Tux.
[Ap] buffoon, confirm or deny: IO was at one time as cool as a small town.
[alexmac] it even had it's rednecks :)
[Ap] Yeah, me. ;)
[SuccHome] sleep time.
*** Signoff: SuccHome (bed.)
[buffoon] Confirmed.
[Chevman] some are still on :)
[Ap] A lot are still on.
[Ap] But they will leave.
[Chevman] I know
*** Signoff: CyberTwig (bbl)
[buffoon] I was looking through IO's /etc/passwd file today. It seems like a lot of the low numbers are still around, it's the higher ones that have been deleted.
[Chevman] If Brian would have worked on Ican...it would have been setup the same.
[Ap] *sigh*
[Ap] It's called marginalization.
[Chevman] It would have been under another name
[Chevman] that's all
* buffoon notes that there are 3919 lines in /etc/passwd, but the highest uid is 17026.
[Ap] IO users feel marginalized because they feel that ACC is afraid of them because they're not the average consumers.
[Ap] Is ACC aware of this?
[alexmac] ap, acutally ACC is getting sunshine shoved up it's ass by ICAN management
[Ap] They know they're different, and the feeling they get is that ACC doesn't like them *because* they're not the average consumers, so they're trying be gotten rid of.
[alexmac] but they are starting to see the light
[buffoon] You know, that could be wrong: we *are* average Internet customers, it's ACC that doesn't understand the field.
[Chevman] They don't understand...that's the problem
[alexmac] people who shove there asses so far up the bosses ass that even a towel will not help :)
[alexmac] there noses
[alexmac] their even
[Ap] buffoon: that could be true. But you haven't dealt with what is considered average on the phone. I have, and it's not pretty.
[Tuxedo] I'm glad to see that, having purchased a business they don't understand, they're solving the problem by applying telephony solutions to the Internet business. Very wise.
[Ap] The average ICan user is a lot less...saavy than the average IO user.
[buffoon] Well, true. But we're average, I think, in that we think cutting off access to our servers is not in the spirit of the Internet.
[Ap] That's true. The Internet is not a product.
[Chevman] But the Ican user is > than the EOL ot Teraport user
[alexmac] yes but it's now owned by people who think it is
[skeezix] The spirit of the Internet to most people, I think, is "Can I use your web browser? I wanna see some porn." IO users are a little more cluefull :)
[Chevman] that by staff stats
[Chevman] skeezix, I think io users know a quicker way of getting to porn
[Ap] I remember shortly before UUNET offered me work I was offered the job of being a liaison to the IO users.
[Tuxedo] Man. What a mug's game.
[Ap] It would've been interesting. A lot of messenger shooting.
[Tuxedo] Mmm. On both sides, methinks.
* Chevman twisted some funk for Kieth
[Ap] *nodnod*
[Tuxedo] "Kye-eth".
[Ap] Keith.
[buffoon] Kye-eth Brownie.
[Ap] Kind of like Michael/Micheal.
[Chevman] get down, get down, get down tonight baby
* Ap shudders
[Ap] So, has anybody told ACC that they'll lose a lot of the users?
* Chevman checks top
[buffoon] Can we take ICAN users with us?
[mottyl] 3000 users is a corporattte account to them.
[mottyl] they don't care.
[Ap] 3000 people is quite a bit of money.
*** madmagic (madmagic@tserver1-13.durham.net) has joined channel &internex
[Chevman] hey Patrick
[Tuxedo] That's fun. In some lines of work, the managers take note of "word of mouth" and "negative publicity". Good to see ACC isn't letting that stop 'em.
* Tuxedo SRHs madmagic
* madmagic waves to the channel and SRH's tux. hello chevman.
[Ap] IO users can account for almost half a million dollars per year.
[Tuxedo] And counting; downward, at present.
[Chevman] hahaha
[Ap] Actually, they can account for a lot more than that if ACC were to play their cards right. Upwards of a million.
[buffoon] Does ACC perform other similarly stupid actions that piss off ICAN people?
[Ap] buffoon: ever tried to get an account set up on Ican?
[Ap] It takes...a while.
[buffoon] Of course not.
[Chevman] hey it's gotten better
* madmagic nods to ap. heard that, from a number of folks.
[Ap] What about software?
* Ap wonders if IA has been ditched yet.
[Chevman] including Golan
[Chevman] Man he never gives up
[Ap] You familiar with the concept of the nemesis:?
[Tuxedo] Chevman: If the merger between IO and ICAN had been handled correctly, big money could've reinforced big technical know-how. How much of the technical know-how do you see still hanging around, just over a year later?
[Ap] -:
* madmagic nods to tux. in a fast-moving, knowledge-based industry, one can't last long being stupid.
[Chevman] I agree...you just had to play the game...I'm 31 now, I know the game
* Dodge laughs uproariously, for no particular reason.
[Ap] The game being played was leading nowhere, because the referees wouldn't listen to the technical people.
[Chevman] The staff from io should be running everything right now
[Tuxedo] "Lane, I've been going to this high school for seven years. I'm no dummy!"
[Chevman] old io staff
* Ap lol, Tux

What follows is an IRC session logged on the header date in the channel &internex. To protect the innocent, none of the names have been changed.

Session Start: Fri Dec 20 03:08:57 1996
*** Now talking in &internex
* Tuxedo greets Phaed
[Chevman] That's very dificult to do
* Phaed SRHs Tux
* Tuxedo SRHs Phaed
[madmagic] chevman, the will was honestly there, on the part of old io
staff, to try to work together.
[madmagic] look at traycer's work with the news servers, once he had
some decent equipment. he fixed 'em.
[Ap] sigh
[Chevman] mm, I know it is and was the caos of the io.org and icomm
accts that cause the problems
[Ap] No, people just took it as proof of what they'd always feared.
[Chevman] Not at first
[madmagic] chev: wasn't no chaos in the iComm accts :) no offense, but
that was a management coverup story.
[Ap] Yes at first. Remember the abuse old-time IO users gave you on
the phone for being an 'ICan person'?
[Chevman] mm, ok I don't know all that went down with that.
[mottyl] the news server is full phil...can you fix it
*** CyberTwig (twiggy@crunch.io.org) has joined &internex
[Chevman] ya, I remember the first time I hear the word advance...I
knew their was going to be trouble
[Dodge] Good one, mottyl.
[buffoon] It's been full for about six hours.
[buffoon] I wonder if you could get some Nurse Ratched analogies going
on here.
* madmagic chuckles
[Ap] Guess I won't bother trying to post to a.t-s.r tonight.
[Tuxedo] Not me, thanks. I've done lifted that hydrotherapy console and
made my es-cape. The fog machines and the attendants aren't bothering
me at all these days.
[Chevman] I'm not going to mess with it
[Chevman] Sam, it full until the morning
[mottyl] Can you not have a look? Who is in charge of that now?
[Chevman] I keep forgeting my "s"'s
[Ap] Chev, for the past year IO users have been afraid that they'd be
gotten rid of because they didn't fit the mould. All the events of
late have only been serving to prove that.
[madmagic] "help him! help the bombadier!"
[Dodge] I get the feeling that news.daily is the only news admin
around here these days.
* skeezix waves
[Ap] To top if off, nothing has been done to clarify what's going on save
for the repetitive and adjective-laden posts of one Ms. Wolfe.
* Tuxedo wonders, idly, how ICAN's honchos plan to put pre-paid
balances into the Big Billing System on the Whiteboard?
*** skeezix has quit IRC (chacha!)
[Ap] Odd boy that.
[Chevman] Sam, that's not my gig I shouldn't touch it
[buffoon] Whoever writes her stuff, be it her or some flunky, is a
piss-poor writer.
[Chevman] It's 3:30am
[buffoon] It's 3:30 a.m. ... and I haven't been able to read news for six
hours.
[Chevman] I'm in enough shit
[Tuxedo] Gee, I remember a time when IO staff used to travel overland
at 3:30 am to fix the system.
[Ap] Take our case to ACC. Not that we're hoping it'll do much good.
[Phaed] Why has the breach of contract never been aired regarding the
iComm addn'ts?
[Tuxedo] Don't suppose you could page whoever's got the emergency
pager duty, could you?
[Chevman] You can read news, you just can't post
[Phaed] accn'ts even
[madmagic] this is just it, chevman. in the past, people would try at any
hour, and the customers saw it. and remembered. now -- the staff are
too afraid to act.
[Ap] Great, so news is just like the Web.
[Tuxedo] Ah, well. "My arm hurts when I do this, doctor."
[buffoon] I can't read news, I finished all my newsgroups hours ago.
[mottyl] yes...but chris slept through it yesterday
[mottyl] anyone got his home number :)
[Tuxedo] Chris is on pager duty tonight?
[CyberTwig] I got pager
[Phaed] He's the MIS isn't he?
[buffoon] I wanted to post in news about how ACC will be cutting off
access to news. and irc.io.org, but now I can't.
[Ap] buffoon: the truth is out there.
[Tuxedo] The MIS Manager, Phaed.
* Tuxedo suppresses the hyphenation reflex
[Ap] It's a fully redundant title. Fault tolerant.
[Tuxedo] Let me get this straight. CT has the pager, but isn't empowered
to fix the news server?
[Phaed] LOL
[Tuxedo] May I ask why the pager was issued at all? Wouldn't it be
more sensible to leave it in the machine room?
[Phaed] Who's the sysadmin now?
[mottyl] okay..what should I leave as the messsage
[mottyl] we don't have one
[Ap] rotfl
[Tuxedo] "You are number six."
* CyberTwig has many thing and many arms and a lot of other stuff, but he
cant do everything :)
[Ap] I am not a number! I am a free man!
[mottyl] we're all one big happy family
[madmagic] tally ho!
[Tuxedo] Be seeing you!
[Phaed] So, IO is history, Is that right?
[CyberTwig] Leave the ip of news and 911
[CyberTwig] So thats 198.133.36.100:911
[mottyl] I said "news is full. fix it"
[CyberTwig] Very convincing..
* Tuxedo applauds mottyl
[buffoon] What's his home phone number? I have a free line.
[mottyl] he'll call me at 6 am and apologize for not waking up
[buffoon] Someone msg me - I won't tell.
[madmagic] nice 06 shirt, buff :)
* CyberTwig has no trust in anyone other then himself
[buffoon] Heh heh.
[Phaed] All you really need is his address buff. =P
[CyberTwig] Except Mottyl :)
[buffoon] I think naming the newsletter the Tally Ho was one of my
favourite IO moments, you know.
[Ap] I liked it.
[madmagic] matt stein went with it.
[Ap] Because he didn't get the humour.
[Ap] If he did he never would have let it go.
[madmagic] exactly. he missed that reference.
[mottyl] i want chocolate
[mottyl] someoen bring me chocolate...ap, do you have a food machine
up there?
[mottyl] is it bad to eat food out of the canned food donation boxes
* Ap checks the machine room
[Ap] Nope, sorry.
[mottyl] what if I put it back doubly so
* CyberTwig is heading to bed.. see ya tommorw
[Tuxedo] Nobody puts chocolate in the donation box, mottyl.
* CyberTwig is away - sleeping - messages will be saved.
[mottyl] there is this threecookie package..I could replace it... hmmm
[Tuxedo] Druid.com. That's amazing.
[Tuxedo] Pardon me...only about half the people I intended to address
are in here.
* madmagic shakes his head. it's last days in the bunker, it is.
* madmagic hopes they have good dental records :)
[Tuxedo] Finest kind, madmagic.
[madmagic] let's hope so tux.
[Phaed] Well, is there going to be an io.org?
[Phaed] What's the story?
[Phaed] Should this be &ican?
[alexmac] madmagic why does it matter about dental records , the corp
grave diggers will only but all the brown nosers in a unmarked grave
anyway. Their final reward... :)
[Phaed] No answers?
[Phaed] Will they answer if I call them during corporate hours?
[madmagic] good point alex, but i was actually thinking of those at the top.
[buffoon] They hold the domain for another year, at least. I wonder if
they'd sell it sooner.
[Phaed] I have a class C I could add it to.
[buffoon] If so, I think we should get everyone to agree that icomm.ca
should pick it up.
[Tuxedo] For the sort of price they'd charge, we could probably buy the
hardware we'd need, buffoon.
[Tuxedo] Just to be contrary, ACC would want something like $10K for
the domain.
[Phaed] FEH
[Phaed] I think it's time for a shitstorm.
*** Chevman is now known as Chevron
[buffoon] Maybe we could get pictures of their CEO doing something
illegal, and bribe them.
* Tuxedo notes that he's merely blue-skying, and only plays a professional
estimator on the radio
[Phaed] They've already broken all the community contracts.
[Tuxedo] Doesn't matter. They're a corporation, and they can afford to
keep lawyers in silk suits for years. iComm can't.
[Phaed] Last time I looked breach of contract was an illegality.
[Phaed] That's true, but we can just point this out to the planet in news, in
print. These days they're hungry for these kind of human interest stories.
[madmagic] phaed, not to disagree on moral grounds -- but i wrote that
contract :) ican can void it.
[Phaed] Did ican sign it?
* madmagic hums "so this is christmas" and smiles.
[madmagic] phaed, nope :)
[Phaed] Did they Ok it?
[madmagic] yup.
[Phaed] Truth by proxy. That's all you need to go to the press. =P
* madmagic nods.
[buffoon] Speaking of Lennon, was it he who did the song that goes,
"Hold me darling, come on listen, listen"? What song was that?
[Phaed] Heh
[madmagic] whatever gets you through the net, wasn't it?
[buffoon] Yeah, that's it.
[Phaed] So IO is dead? I really want to know. Chev' can you speak to
this?
[Phaed] Chevron is phil@home.ican.net * Philip J. Welbourn
[Phaed] Chevron on @&internex
[Phaed] Chevron using irc.io.org Internex Online
[Phaed] Chevron has been idle 3 seconds, signed on Fri Dec 20 00:35:35
[Phaed] End of /WHOIS list.
[Phaed] Hmmm. Still there big guy?
[Chevron] Hey :)
[Chevron] quit the intro
[Phaed] I was afraid you'd gone to sleep or something. =)
*** madmagic is now known as madmagi
*** madmagic (madmagic@zap.io.org) has joined &internex
*** Fade_ (fade@zap.io.org) has joined &internex
[Phaed] So?
[Dodge] What do you expect, an answer or something?
[Phaed] Well, I thought it would be nice. =P
[Chevron] hang on a sec.
[Chevron] I'm seting up something
[Chevron] ok I'm back
[Phaed] So, is io.org dead?
[buffoon] hello? can ne1 here me?????
* Ap looks at buffoon.
[madmagic] buf-- m/f?
[Tuxedo] I m in Toronto R U?
[buffoon] Don't you be calling me no MF, mm.
[Phaed] Fascinating. Scintilate answer.
* madmagic loads his wArSr1p$
[buffoon] u r in oshawa tux, i kno that!!!!
* Phaed knocks on the ops
[alexmac] :)
[Phaed] "Hello!"
[Tuxedo] Ah, damn. My cover is blown.
[madmagic] can u c whot i tripe???!?!?
[Chevron] hey :)
* Tuxedo listens to Furnaceface's "Just Buy It", as it seems appropriate
[Chevron] MM when's the fun stuff happened
[Phaed] Hey for the second time Chev' =)
[Chevron] I'm getting bored
[madmagi] chevron...? what fun stuff?
[Chevron] The hacking...everyone her is waiting for the show :)
[Phaed] I hear news could use a resusitation, if you have time on your
hands or something. =P
* madmagi looks around the channel and sees over a dozen people with
better knowledge of computers than he has. why not ask them, chevron?
why me?
[Phaed] Hacking?! Am I going to have to change my password *again*?
[Chevron] hehehe
[Tuxedo] Oh, hey, I bet the reason news is down at IO is because of this
bunch of hackers Chevron keeps insinuating madmagic's involvement
with, to coil a sentence into a tight grammatical spiral
* Phaed admires Tux's coil
[buffoon] Sentences like that are things up with which I will not put, Tux.
[Phaed] LOL
* Tuxedo remembers to ship buffoon a crate of traditions of the Navy for
the holidays
[Chevron] Keith, you alway have a great way with the language.
[buffoon] I'll take the rum and the lash, give the other to ACC.
[Phaed] What, no sodomy?
[Phaed] Natch
[Tuxedo] Good call, buffoon. :)
* buffoon imagines getting drunk on sweet rum and going down to ICAN offices, yelling and whipping people amid an unholy orgy of buggery.
[Phaed] I feel comforted. We're obviously in good hands down there at ican/ACC. Keep up the good work boys.
[Phaed] Woo Woo!
[Tuxedo] Thanks, Chevron. I've been working with it for somewhat over twenty years now. I'm hoping it'll turn out to be marketable.
[Phaed] You de man, buff!
[Phaed] So I take it there was allygators... er... allegations flying here 'bouts afore I wandered in, eh?
[Chevron] Do you write...I mean stories, fiction...I don't mean that in a joking way.
[Phaed] Why is this beginning to look like the winternet logs?
[Tuxedo] Genuine fiction, no, not in years. I like to write nonfiction that plays a little with the distinction, though.
[Tuxedo] Phaed: You mean the Mattenstein logs?
[Ap] Same thing, no?
[Tuxedo] Same story, different scripts and casts.
[Phaed] Yeah, the mark ][ version with the names and the domain changed.
* Ap finishes slogging through email
[Tuxedo] Poor direction, all 'round.
[buffoon] Not enough good looking chicks, either.
[Phaed] Amen
[Chevron] That's a good title "Sloshing through email"
[Chevron] I had to edit a bit :)
[Phaed] Planning your memoirs Chev'? =)
[Chevron] well....I gave up drugs
[buffoon] "They won't *really* fire our system administrator, will they, Ridge?" she said, sliding out of her silken COMDEX underwear.
[Phaed] There you go. The internet is a prison drug. You've moved up and on.
[Chevron] Yes master
* Tuxedo can hardly wait for the hard-bitten scenes in the machine room, with the bottle of scotch hidden in the terminal server chassis
[Phaed] Woo!
[Ap] Hard-boiled sysadmin fiction?
[Phaed] "When I was a young lad, I knew my way 'round a punchdown box. Lemme tell you!"
[madmagi] "stein. matt stein. stolen, not earned."
[Tuxedo] Of course, Ap.
[Phaed] rotfl
[Ap] Natch.>
* Tuxedo applauds madmagi's interpetation
[Tuxedo] Interpretation, even.
* madmagi bows. it was from the heart.
[Phaed] So, like, who is our sysadmin now?
[Chevron] He does seem like a wissel
[Tuxedo] Mind you, perhaps we should draw from a more recent
tradition: the IO story as "Blade Runner".
[Phaed] Yeah, I hear he blows.
[Tuxedo] "Remember, Brian: if you're not with ACC, you're little people."
[Ap] Gates says his job's `best,' and fun, too
* Ap snickers
[Chevron] "The Life of Brian"
* Phaed resembles that remark
[buffoon] I bet being worth billions of dollars helps, too.
*** Tuxedo is now known as Bryant
[Phaed] So what faction are we at now?
[Ap] buffoon: nah.
[Bryant] I've got three and a half thousand skin jobs walkin' the streets.
*** Chevron is now known as Blane
[Ap] That's just a perk.
*** Bryant is now known as Tuxedo
[Blane] better change that back
*** Blane is now known as Chevron
[buffoon] Well, time to go finish packing and watch Star Trek. Merry Christmas, folks.
*** buffoon has quit IRC (Leaving)
*** Fade_ (fade@zap.io.org) has left &internex
*** madmagi (madmagic@tserver1-13.durham.net) has left &internex
[madmagic] a final word of advice, phil: you cannot buy or sell the best of people. you can only give your best, and hope it comes back. take care.
*** madmagic has quit IRC (the net has a long memory.)
[Phaed] I always hate it when a story is over.
[Chevron] maaan falco still online.....be nice phil
(ed. note: !!!)
[Dodge] What's this thing you have for falco?
*** falco (falco@ppp-235.toronto-04.ican.net) has joined &internex
[falco] You have something to say to me?
[Chevron] hey I thought you left
[Phaed] Good question.
[falco] If I have to get my tire iron and come down there and give you some "tech support", I'll be pissed.
[Chevron] I'm too lazy to do a /who
[falco] No, you're too stupid to program a marcro.
* falco high-fives Phaed
* Phaed high-fives falco
[Phaed] He's remarkably unresponsive.
[Ap] Jesus Christ I feel like I'm in grade 10 again.
[Phaed] LOL
[Ap] It's like sitting on the bus on the way home from school.
[Chevron] hey falco...lets be friends
[Phaed] Ask him a question! He soundls like the sea in a conch shell in response! It's quite amazing really.
[Tuxedo] Don't do this to me, Ap. I just watched "Welcome To The Dollhouse" tonight.
[Chevron] hey that's a good movie
[Ap] I want to see that movie really really really badly.
[falco] High school was great. I haven't seen that much drugs since I did my time in Kingston.
[Chevron] I saw it a long time ago
[Chevron] really
[Phaed] That's cause you're 3133+ Chev'
* Chevron months the hook
[Ap] It came out when I was in California. I could've seen it while I was there, but no.
[Chevron] oops :)
[falco] Chevron wants to be my friend. Should I a) get a warm fuzzy feeling, b) get my tire iron, c) go soak my genitals in Plax, d) all of the above?
[Phaed] You could just listen to the shell, I've been doing it for almost an hour now.
[Phaed] Something like an empty roar.
[Chevron] hey, we might aswell talk
[Ap] Hey, does this sound familiar?
[Ap] The Grinch has nothing on Microsoft Corp.
[Ap] Just weeks before Christmas, The Redmond, Wash.,
[Ap] software giant informed resellers it would rescind special
[Ap] pricing granted to noneducational charitable institutions.
[Ap] Such charities run the gamut from The United Way and
[Ap] Catholic Charities to Save the Whales.
[Phaed] ... but more vapid.
[Ap] Where have I seen that before?
[Chevron] that acct. you are using has been deleted
[Chevron] so as long as you can stay on line you can talk
[Phaed] LOL
[Phaed] Who me?
[falco] Ap: Microsoft aren't bad people. They sent us a whole boat load of software.
[Chevron] no Golan.
[falco] Gee, thanks Chevron! You're so hip.
[Ap] falco: I guess whether that's a good thing or not depends on your POV.
[Chevron] You snowed somebody today
[Chevron] not bad
[Phaed] Hmmm. I wonder how you can delete a payed account...
[falco] I can't wait to hear the reason that a valid and paid account was deleted. Of course, the Mastercard people had a fit today when we talked to them about the billing irregularities at ICan't.
[Chevron] Lie all you want Steve Elwwod :)
[Phaed] This is rich!
[falco] What a riot! What Chevron doesn't know is that Steve Elwood is my lawyer and he charged it to his Mastercard so that we would have proof of the abuse. I love it. This just gets funnier and funnier.
[Ap] Hey, I wonder if my old friend Bjorn Nitmo has an Ican account.
[falco] I can't stop laughing, someone help me.
[Phaed] I guess these logs will be usefull. =P
[falco] Ap: He will tomorrow.
[falco] Ya, I've already had to go to the printer 3 times tonight. It gets old...
[Ap] falco: you know Bjorn too?
[Chevron] You could never aford a lawyer hahaha
* Phaed spits pepsi all over his monitor
[Chevron] The acct. is gone. I maen gone
[Chevron] When you log off that's it
[Phaed] "Somebody! Stop him before he jests again!"
[falco] Gee, I guess I won't be able to access the Internet! Muahahaha...
[Phaed] You can't do this to him Chevron... it'll kill him. Some of us just breath the 'net. You know how it is; you're obviously a clued guy.
[falco] I guess I'll have to wait until after lunch to drop over to his office so we can find out why our completely legit and paid account was terminated. Yet more subjects to discuss with this Dubnik guy.
[falco] What ever will I do without this dialup? I mean, I might actually have to use one of Vex's... ack!
[Tuxedo] Say it isn't so!
[Phaed] God forbid. Where's the enjoyment in that? I hear your routes actually work.
[Phaed] Why can't I telnet from vex to IO?
[falco] I don't know, it's a disaster! I mean, my whole ISP will cease to function now that Chevron has taken away the account that I obviously didn't deserve!
* falco panics
[falco] All the wasted DS-3s, the horror!
* Phaed consoles falco
[falco] You know, I think I should saturated a DS-3 tomorrow and turn all of ican.net into squid shit for the better part of the day. You want to bet that my DS-3 beats their T1?
[falco] I bet it does.
*** `Ender (pjw@zap.io.org) has joined &internex
*** ^ZeusAway sets mode: +o `Ender
*** Shogo sets mode: +o `Ender
*** CheckeR sets mode: +o `Ender
[Phaed] LOL
[falco] I guess Chevron had a little technical problem there.
[falco] Muahahaha. Gimp.
*** `Ender sets mode: +i
(Ed note: this is a public channel for the subscribers of Internex Online.) [`Ender] ready
*** falco was kicked by `Ender (Scum)
*** alexmac was kicked by `Ender (Scum)
*** Dodge was kicked by `Ender (Scum)
[Phaed] This is interesting.
[`Ender] anyone else want to go
[Phaed] Isn't this the channel for subscribers?
* Ap continues to play the Pong Java applet
*** mottyl sets mode: -i
[Ap] This is so cool.
[Phaed] I'm wondering why `Ender is being such an asshole.
(ed note: `Ender is Chevron, aka Phil. IO/Ican employee of the month)
* Phaed scratches his head.
[mottyl] Phil, this isn't your channel..it's a place for users of the service and their friends to hang out and chat...alexmac was kicked for apparently no reason? Unless I missed something
*** falco (falco@ppp-235.toronto-04.ican.net) has joined &internex
* falco snuggles Mottyl
[falco] She is the ultimate woman.
[Tuxedo] Y'know, `Ender, I'd find it just about perfect if you'd give me the boot too. Just to give me a sense of closure. Frankly, my experience lacks closure.
*** Dodge (dodge@hobbes.net4.io.org) has joined &internex
[falco] Dodge!
[Phaed] falco!
[Phaed] Dodge!
[Dodge] Me!
* Phaed reSRHs falco and Dodge and Tux
[falco] So is Fender feeling okay?
[Phaed] I think he's bent out of shape.
[Ap] Bad joke, Phaed.
[Phaed] =P
[falco] I thought that was funny.
* falco high-fives Phaed
[Phaed] Woo!
[falco] Nothing wrong with going after the bottom 1% of humour. It works for me.
[Phaed] Better some, than none, wot?
[falco] What is the matter with wittle Phil? Wittle Phil fall down and bump his wittle head on da wittle keyboard?
[Phaed] We can wait for you to reboot yourself `Ender...
[Phaed] Why the kicks?
*** alexmac (alexmac@zot.io.org) has joined &internex
[Phaed] re am
[falco] You see, he's sexually frustrated so he is expressing his deeply seated anger through random (and pointless) acts here in the IRC.
[falco] All this because he couldn't get a lay out of the bar tender at the Choo Choo Bar.
[alexmac] I see, well seeing that there is no one left at acc internet services to complain to maybe we should start a phone thing to galaxy instead
[Phaed] He's pulling his conch trick again. innit cute!
[falco] I mean, that bartender was a good looking woman. Hell, she was Ms. Babushka 89 back in her native Bulgaria.
[falco] He's a idjit.
* Phaed waits for him to start killing off our processes.
[Phaed] C'mon, we're timing you here.
* Ap hydrates
[Ap] Water = good.
[falco] Now he wants to DCC me things. What a friendly guy!
[Dodge] Your haqr log? Don't give it to him.
[Phaed] This voicelessness is getting predictable.
[falco] But he'll be mean to me if I don't!
[falco] Phil doesn't like me because I called him an idiot in front of his cow-orkers (who all agreed with me when he left the room, I thought poor Brian was going to die of laughter...)
[Phaed] Is that why I can't telnet from vex.net to io.org?
[falco] Paul even stopped playing Duke Nukem long enough to giggle.
[falco] Yes, that's right, you can't telnet from vex.net to io.org because Phil is an idjit.
[Phaed] Is that true Phil?
[alexmac] he is a idiot and he treats customers like shit, maybe we should call the "dragon lady" (tm someone elses)
[falco] He doesn't even realize that my client won't take any of his silly DCCs so he keeps trying and trying.
[falco] Uh, that's idjit.
*** `Ender sets mode: +b *!*@*.vex.net
[falco] We don't want to insult any valid idiots out there.
[Phaed] Hello, PHIL!
[falco] Oh no! He banned my domain!
*** `Ender sets mode: +b *!falco@*.toronto-04.ican.net
*** falco was kicked by `Ender ((Bu-bye))
[Dodge] Duh.
*** `Ender sets mode: +b *!fade@*.com
*** You were kicked by `Ender ((Bu-bye))
*** Attempting to rejoin...
Session Close: Fri Dec 20 04:47:42 1996

And so, we have nail biting drama - very high tension stuff considering the hour this was taking place. `Ender/Chevron/Phil has already erased at least one paid accn't at this point... can it get worse? Better? They's smoke on dis here watur, Boss.

Luckily our continuity problem has been remedied by the donation of a complete logfile, unsullied by the /kick's flying around the channel. What follows comes from Tuxedo's log.

*** Mode change "+b *!alexmac@*.io.org" on channel &internex by `Ender
*** alexmac has been kicked off channel &internex by `Ender ((Bu-bye))
* Tuxedo stands
[Ap] Stand and deliver, etc.
[Ap] Good flick.
[`Ender] Your alright
[Tuxedo] Right here, `Ender.
[Tuxedo] Please tell me what they're doing that I'm not, so I can amend my behaviour.
* Ap puts in a CD and sits back for the last two hours of midnight shift hell
[`Ender] They have knocked me off three times
* `Ender goes and deletes accts
[Dodge] They've knocked you off? Howso?
*** `Ender is pjw@zap.io.org (Speaker for the Dead)
*** on channels: @&internex
*** on irc via server irc.io.org (Internex Online)
*** `Ender has been idle 46 seconds
[`Ender] oh I forgat about you/...ooops
*** Mode change "+b *!dodge@*.net4.io.org" on channel &internex by `Ender
*** Dodge has been kicked off channel &internex by `Ender ((Bu-bye))
[`Ender] That's a great cript Dennis gave me
*** Fade_ (fade@home.ican.net) has joined channel &internex
[`Ender] Matbe we should hire him back
Hrmn
*** OdAm (rod@sleep.durham.net) has joined channel &internex
* Tuxedo SRHs OdAm
* OdAm SRHs Tuxedo
* Fade_ tickles `Ender and hopes his medicine kicks in real soon now.
* Fade_ kisses Phil on the cheek and wishes him a good day
*** Fade_ has left channel &internex

And so it goes, though not to the finish yet... (stick with us here =)

Here my log continues:

Session Start: Fri Dec 20 05:03:00 1996
*** Now talking in &internex
*** falco (falco@ppp-235.toronto-04.ican.net) has joined &internex
[falco] Woo Woo!
[Phaed] YeeeHaw!
[`Ender] ok, thats enough
* falco hugs the Idjit
* Phaed gives him a little tickle
[falco] Enough? Time for your sponge bath?
[Phaed] ... puts on some music to soothe yon savage beast.
[falco] El-joko time?
[Ap] I think I'll go do some pushups or something stress relieving.
[falco] Two atoms are walking down the street and one says to the other, "I think I lost an electron..."
[falco] "You sure?"
[falco] "I'm positive!"
[Ap] Badum bum.
[Phaed] Ba-DUM
[OdAm] he he he.... :)
[Phaed] =)
[`Ender] Lets be positive
[falco] Someone explain to the Idjit what an electron is. I'm too tired to get out the hand-puppets.
[`Ender] hehehe
[`Ender] Now that's funny
* Phaed laughs
[falco] Hey Fender, there's a doohinker on your nick. You should get that lanced.
[`Ender] get out the "tickle-me-elmo"
[falco] Why? We have the Tickle-Me Idjit!
[`Ender] Ender Wiggin...it from a book by Scott Card
[`Ender] Ender's Game...it's a good book
[falco] Idjit: Did I hurt your feelings that time when I put that post-it note on your monitor? I would have put it on your forehead but I heard it was a little soft.
[`Ender] I still have it :)
[falco] Isn't it great when people acknowledge your exsistance.
[falco] s/exsistance/existance
[`Ender] It said "Your an Idiot....Love Falco"
* `Ender is getting wipee
[falco] No, it said, "You're and Idiot", you just don't get contractions, do you?
[falco] Or, You're an Idiot rather.
[`Ender] I'm tired...I work...I have a job
[falco] I can't believe I'm still up talking to this idjit.
[falco] I don't have a job, I'm steeenkin' rich!
[`Ender] What eles do you have to do
[falco] I have to get up and have lunch with Druid tomorrow.
[`Ender] hahahaha
[Ap] You think he's joking?
[`Ender] That sounds like an exciting day
[falco] It's great.
[`Ender] ok, maybe having lunch with D`arcy is work
[falco] Not at all, D'Arcy is an intelligent and witty person. That is why you two failed to bond.
[`Ender] You still live at home right?
[falco] Yes, I live in my home. Uh, duh.
[falco] Do you still live in a van down by the river?
[Phaed] Are there vacancies under your bridge ender?
[`Ender] SNL aaaaah
*** Phil2 has quit IRC (Leaving)
[`Ender] well Golan..it looks like we can be assholes
[`Ender] except this time I win :)
[falco] You don't have the smarts to be an asshole, you're an Idjit.
[Phaed] Natch
[falco] Like I told you Idjit, you should seek out some of those oppourtunities in either the fast-food preparation or home-cleaning industries. A guy like you could make Asst. Fry Cook in just two short years.
[`Ender] I imagine most ppl witnessing tis would say we are both idiots or Idjit
[falco] Let's take a poll.
[Ap] I concur.
[falco] I'm the asshole and you're the Idjit.
* Phaed nods
[falco] I think we need an idjit.vex.net, yes, I shall have to get on that.
[falco] I am an *exceptional* asshole.
[`Ender] hehehe\
[Phaed] Shit, just call it chevron.idjit.vex.net
[`Ender] well if you need an idjit@vex.net let me know :)
[falco] Naw, he wouldn't be able to type that without an error.
[Phaed] P'raps a new newsgroup.
[falco] Send in your money, Idjit.
[falco] A newsgroup, now that's an idea.
[`Ender] why don't you
[falco] You're not going to start sending me resumes again, are you?
*** falco2 has quit IRC (Time to make the donuts.)
[`Ender] well if your going to bring down Ican...what choice do I have
[Phaed] Now it's falco that's bringing down ican?!
[falco] Where do you get this bring down ICant crap from? I never said that.
[falco] It isn't mean you have to fear. It is Nigel Allen!
[`Ender] I guess it's going to be a peaceful day
[Phaed] Egad. This is shaping up to be a nice ripe theory. Where does the magic bullet fit in?
[`Ender] We have you in quotes.
[Ap] I thought it was Traycer who was going bring down ICan.
[falco] I killed Kennedy and then I went for a Cheezebuggah (tm).
[Phaed] LOL
[falco] No, I keep telling you, it's Nigel Allen. He's going to blow ya up real good.
[Ap] With help from Chrys Pelegris.
[Phaed] I hear Bob Allisat also has grounds.
[falco] Now you're talking!
[falco] Grounds for what, we have no idea.
[`Ender] :-]
[Phaed] There's an evil tryst going on between bob and yuri.
[`Ender] So it's Nigel then hmmmmmmm
* Ap spits water on his screen
[falco] My money is on Yuri, he's nappy.
[Phaed] Aye, and he wirey too.
[Ap] I want lots of donuts right now.
[falco] Shore.
[Ap] I wonder if news is still full.
[`Ender] I'll get it fixed in a couple hours
[Phaed] I hear bob's coming down for an 3133+ social engineering hack where he puts a full nielson on the DNS server
[Ap] I still have to put money in my account. argh.
[falco] Juicy booty!
[falco] You can't, Ap. Payments are forbidden.
[Ap] OH.
[Ap] Oh, even.
[falco] I would tell more Idjit jokes but the punchline is always, "Uh, duh".
[Phaed] Well, nighty night. My 9:00am is getting close.
*** Abadd0n (tsyoung@zap.io.org) has joined &internex
*** ^ZeusAway sets mode: +o Abadd0n
*** SuccAway sets mode: +o Abadd0n
[Ap] Yer up a little early.
[`Ender] Tom!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Abadd0n] Ender !!! :)
[Phaed] Christ the studly caps are taking over the +o list
[Abadd0n] Bah
[`Ender] I guess I should lay down
[falco] Hey AbaddOn, Jody says hi.
[Phaed] It's been dreamy.
[Phaed] Nite folks.
Session Close: Fri Dec 20 05:27:33 1996